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A fast-moving sunset
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Hi friends,
It's been a looooong time since I've written. So first and foremost, hello. I hope you are doing well; as well as possible in the midst of everything going on. It's been so long, I don't really know where to start or what to say. Most days and weeks feel like a time wrap. A day feels like a week ago, and yet I'm still waiting for summer to end and here we are in November! Cruising into a "holiday season" the likes of which we've never seen before. Many of the things that we recognize and celebrate as the seasons change are gone, or at least barely recognizable.
As I'm sure is the case for all of us, its been a struggle. The past 8 or so months...insane. I'm grateful to be working, and be (relatively) healthy. I know that's not the case for many. For me personally the past 18 months have been hellish. My dad died suddenly in May of 2019. Shortly thereafter our beloved kitty was diagnosed with terminal cancer. While reeling from the loss of my dad, we nursed her through her last months of life, finally saying goodbye at the end of September. Our first holiday season without dad was just going through the motions, just getting through it. The realization of so much loss made coping a struggle.
And then the murmurs of "pandemic" began in early 2020, and all of our experiences have been greatly shifted as a result. While I was already wandering and wondering what the future would look like, I think many have joined me in this bizarre experience. Whatever version of me emerges as a result, I don't know how much it will resemble me before all this.
Early on I spoke with many people said something like, "all this (lockdown) time must be great for art/painting." Well...no. And as time continues I've run into this sentiment less.
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The Seer,
an imaginative watercolor
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I have painted, but creating art is an act of bravery. And magic. And everything has has shifted, work has changed from something recognizable and predictable to completely...different. (Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be working, but getting through this has been a marathon and it's still going.) Add copious helpings of fear and stress; everything occurring in the past 18 months has taken its toll. Art has suffered.
I'm feeling like a stone skipping across the water. I've stared at my easel and pochade box, unable to muster the energy to pack up my oils and go painting somewhere. I've tried new media, sometimes working furiously, sometimes not able to create anything for weeks at a time. Instead of oil painting
outdoors, I've been grabbing a small sketchbook, watercolors, and heading out my bike or on foot. Watercolors, pastels, charcoal, ink. I needed to try something completely new (and often frustrating) and the results have been hit or miss. I've needed to move away from results. In order to eventually move back toward them, if that makes sense.
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Watercolor field sketch from autumn
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What I have noticed is a renewed sense of...adventure? Trying different things just because. Art venues have closed down, shows canceled, along with many of my in-person events. But for awhile I'm released from the pressure of producing "artworks for shows". This has problems, but also a bit of a silver lining. For now its ok.
I've hesitated writing a blog, because what do I say? Just the thought of staring at a screen to write this in unappealing. But in thinking about this, I bet many of us are having similar struggles. And I can't talk about the art I'm making without talking about the surrounding "landscape". Art is a therapy along with being many other things to all of us. It's been a good reason to go and enjoy being outside, as well as a way to reflect and express in the studio.
I hope you're continuing to find ways to connect and reinvigorate. I hope that art is a part of that of that process. Take care.
-Laurel
